When Not Everyone Wants to Be Your Friend

As a teacher, I spend a good part of my day reminding children to be kind, to include others, to share space and stories and swings. It's part of who I am—part of what I believe shapes not just good students, but good people. I've built entire classroom cultures on the simple truth that kindness matters.

So it's jarring, gut-wrenching really, to be at the park or splash pad, sitting on a bench not as the teacher, but as the grandparent, and watch my yhree-year-old grandchild just bubbling with joy at the presence of other kids... only to be ignored, excluded, or brushed off. Not necessarily in a cruel way—just in the way kids often are when they're figuring out how to navigate their own little social bubbles.

And oh, how the teacher in me wants to jump up. To gently remind other kids to let him play too. To ask, "Can you make room?" or "How would you feel if someone said that to you?" But I stay seated. Because this isn't my classroom. This is real life. And as much as it hurts me to watch, I know these moments are important.

I can't help but wonder how Annie the Porcupine would handle it. Would she even notice? Would she shrug it off with that adorable obliviousness so many toddlers are blessed with? Or would she feel the sting and react by throwing her quills—defensive, hurt, confused?

And what if Annie was the one saying, "You can't go on the slide. It's mine right now." Would she even realize how that sounds to someone else? Would she mean harm or just be trying to stake her place in the world?

That's the hard truth, isn't it? Sometimes our kids are the ones left out and sometimes they're the ones doing the excluding.

It's a complicated lesson at any age.Not everyone will want to be your friend.Not everyone will want to share the slide.And you won't always be included.

But you still have to be kind. You still have to be you.

These are lessons that don't come with easy answers. They're hard as a child, harder as a parent watching your child hurt, and strangely the hardest of all as a grandparent, because you've seen this all before, and you know how much it matters.

So what do we do? We sit with them. We talk about it. We model grace and boundaries. We cheer when they find the kids who do say yes. And we remind them that being left out isn't a reflection of who they are. It's just a moment, not a verdict.

I still teach kindness. I still believe in inclusion. But I'm learning that sometimes the biggest lesson is not in stepping in, but in sitting beside.